I’m clearing out CDs. And I’m not best pleased. Feels like I’m throwing my youth into the bin.
As I near 40, with creaking back and grey nasal hair, I’m constantly reminded my youth has been decaying in landfill for the best part of 15 years. The CD collection though? This is different. This is disconcerting. This is how it feels to be oldie.
Got to do it though. Moving house. Moving to the future. Not literally: I’m not Marty McFly.
I’m finding it a struggle. I always thought, if I was lucky enough to daddy-up, I’d be able to bore my spawn senseless with my 300-strong CD library. ‘Look Cub, here I have all the albums ever released by Icelandic freakpot Bjork – aren’t you proud how quirky-cool I am…Cub? Why are you sucking your back teeth like that?’
Thankfully, I’m still finding a way to impress upon the Cub my incontrovertibly amazing taste in music (bar my Junior Senior album purchase – possibly the worst thing I’ve ever done. And I’ve slept rough at Bristol Parkway train station).
Since the heady days of Cub-colic, I’ve been using music to bond with, to placate and to entertain my son. Music’s always made me happy, and seeing the little maniac react positively to it makes me happier than a Pharrell lyric.
So, in an indulgent manner you’d expect from a blog written by a raging egotist, here’s the current top ten tracks that me and Cub are shambolically dancing, or tunelessly bellowing, along to.
10. Eat Sleep Rave Repeat by Fatboy Slim featuring Riva Starr (Calvin Harris remix)
There is still a sizeable chunk of Mrs Polar Bear’s psyche that is wearing furry boots and a diamante bikini top. She’s rave at heart. She’s Raveheart. Her husband still finds great pleasure in dance musi…sorry, EDM. That’s right, yeah (says the old man in the corner)?
Anyway, there’s a bit of us that wants the Cub to be a whistle-blowing raver, out ’til the early hours fuelled by a heady cocktail of Red Bull, natural stamina and huge amounts of pharmaceutical common sense.
The boy is designed for EDM – loves shouting catchphrases ad infinitum, has boundless energy and likes a simple beat or hook. This works for the little fella. The video is, confessedly, probably not age-appropriate (the nosebleeds are a little hard to explain away). But he spends most of the video jumping like a loon rather than watching the screen, so I think I get away with it… your Honour.
9. Love is Easy by McFly
Childlike melody, childlike video, childlike band. It could be the theme tune for Cbeebies if the title didn’t sound like a nymphomaniac’s manifesto.
8. Candy by Robbie Williams
Basically a playground chant, so perfect pop fodder for the Cub. Also, the video features Kaya Scodelario, so we’re both winners.
7. Gangnam Style by Psy
Precision-tooled to be watched by kids over. And over. And over. And over. You know the drill. Also: sounds like a nonsense lyric, which kids love. That said, I’d better let the Cub know it’s an actual language, lest he embarrasses himself at a South Korean rave or something.
6. Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis
Another clearly inappropriate choice for an infant – sorry. Usually, this gets played when Nana and Pappi are in the car, and I have to loudly sing ‘looking for a come-up, this is LA LA awesome.’ Brilliant pop-rap though, and I want the Cub to listen to brilliant stuff. Entertaining video (packed with other kids to identify with) also helps.
5. Get Lucky by Daft Punk
The boy has taste. He’s also duped by my constant reference to ‘robots’ singing on the track. If I started announcing ‘Bedtime!” through a vocoder, it would blow the Cub’s mind.
4. Happy by Pharrell
The boy has taste. He’s also deeply attached to Despicable Me’s Minions, so this is a winner all round. Sadly, the one passing reference I made to an obese man dancing in the video has stuck with the Cub. Good thing he’s not seen a Barry White video yet.
3. Let It Go by Idina Menzel
Another kid-flick choice but, shamefully, more about me than the Cub. The poor sap has had to listen to me bawling ‘LET IT GO’ so many times on car journeys since watching the (excellent) film ‘Frozen’, he’s conditioned to like it. At least he regularly gets to see a 3 minute Disney clip to add to the 23.5 hours of cartoons he watches the rest of the day.
2. Move Your Feet by Junior Senior
Because I’m a massive loser, I’m always thinking about what great song goes with a Cub-friendly video. Always. Seriously, I need to think of other things. Anyway, imagine my geeky delight when this work of 8-bit genius popped back into my head. Hilarious video and a song that’s happier than a lorryful of Larrys. We’re big fans. But not of the album. That’s shit.
1. Paradise by Coldplay
The song that saved our lives. Generally, it’s bloody marvellous: even Coldplay-haters should accept it is a lovely piece of work. Soaring chorus, perfectly judged, understated vocals, unobtrusive use of strings…it’s just great, alright? It’s also lullabyesque and, in those terrible early days of being parent to a weeping machine, Paradise was a more reliable fallback than Calpol. For a start, it was easy to remember the words. For a second, it’s easy to sing – in fact, it almost helps being a little pitchy. For a third, it wasn’t bloody Twinkle Twinkle Little bloody Star. And, when the Cub got a little older but remained a whinger, the video was cutely charming and distracting (apart from when Chris Martin had to flippin’ take his elephant head off – Jesus, never let the man do a stint as your Santa Claus, eh?).
I’m currently seeing if I can get the Cub into The Flaming Lips’ ‘Waiting for a Superman’ (not going well) and Snoop Dogg’s ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’ (not going well…with Mrs Polar Bear). By the end of the year, the little one had better be into The Pixies or I’m going to kick off.
Polar Nightcap 